My First ADC's

Within days of Jacob's death, I began having powerful dreams where Jacob was communicating important messages to me. The first was a dream that was so extremely vivid that I could literally feel the fabric of Jacob's shirt and his skin. I was sitting in a bedroom when Jacob's best friend walked in. I asked him what he was doing, and he simply stated "they" were playing video games. Then, I looked up and saw Jacob standing in the doorway. I immediately jumped up and ran to him asking, "Jacob, what are you doing here?" There was a clear understanding in my mind that Jacob had already died. When I took hold of his right arm with both of my hands, I could feel his shirt and skin. He began moving to a corner of the room and I continued holding on to him but turned away briefly. When I looked back at Jacob, he was no longer in my hands, but my daughter was. My heart sank. Even though Jacob wasn't visible I could "hear" him in my spirit say, "Mom, I'm not with you anymore, but Raleigh is. You need to take care of her now. I will see you again, but now it's time to take care of Raleigh." I awoke from that dream with mixed feelings--delighted to have seen and touched my son, but so sad he was gone. I also was encouraged that he wanted me to take good care of his sister. That dream gave me the strength to be more available and attentive to Raleigh.

A series of dreams that came in the weeks after Jacob's death all had a similar theme. I was being given the option to tell Jacob to do something different so he would not have his accident. Each time he was alive, and I was aware that his accident had not yet happened. Every time I was about to tell him to do something different, I would wake up. Since I believe God still communicates to us through dreams, just as He did throughout the Bible, I had a strong sense that God was telling me something. Even though I wanted desperately to change what had happened, I couldn't. Those things lie outside of my control. I think Jacob wanted me to know that as well.